Breaking the generational cycle

Then

Kaesha* was raised by a permissive mother and an authoritarian father, which resulted in a conflict-filled childhood. Wanting to give her three children a safe and peaceful childhood, she dedicated all her time to raising them and considered herself selfish for putting her own needs first. But she often found herself alternating between the two styles, which resulted in her feeling guilty and her children confused.

Key Learnings

When Kaesha learned about the ‘Three Types of Time’, she realised she was committing all her time to family time at the expense of her own needs, her spouse’s needs, and her children’s individual needs.

Kaesha comments: “I’d go from being incredibly giving and easy going with my children to suddenly shutting down, getting angry and ordering my children around, which unsettled them. When I learned about the different types of time, I realised something so simple yet powerful: by being permissive I had no time to myself, which then left me exhausted and overwhelmed and I would then switch to authoritarian mode.

Kaesha realised in both parenting styles, she was using Communication Roadblocks that were preventing her from Active Listening, so her children could feel heard but also develop independent thinking.

Now

Kaesha now schedules guilt-free time for herself, time with spouse, one-on-one time with each of her children, and family time, which has resulted in her family members feeling more bonded and appreciative of each other. This balance has made it easier for her to neither be permissive nor authoritarian in her parenting style. By actively listening, and her children have become more confident speaking openly about their needs and challenges.

*Name and personal details have been changed to protect confidentiality.